literature

Irrational

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BlueBlueFox's avatar
By
BlueBlueFox
Published:
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Literature Text

Please don't remind me.

The pain in my jaw is enough of a reminder
as are the crescent-shapes carved into my skin
and the way my heart throbs in my head
and drowns out the noise except for those bells.
The alarm bells.

Please don't remind me.

It's a faulty system
built into the mind and bones
of a faulty person.

A small thing, a tiny thing is a trigger
Punctuation where it never is, or
snide remarks about "You're being irrational."
It sets off the bells faster than you can blink--

Before I know it, I can't swallow
I can't see or hear and I most definitely
Cannot breathe.
The world shrinks to a pinprick
while thoughts collide and crash within as fireworks--
fireworks that burn the eyes and the mind
and rip phantom hands from phantom limbs.

Please don't remind me.

Because I know.
I know better than anyone that what I say and what I do
are very "irrational"
and I don't need to be told once or twice or ever
ever ever ever at all.

I live with these thoughts, and yours
even if you are a breed of this irrational,
yours are not the same.

Please don't remind me.

Don't tell me off for coping the only way I know how
don't tell me that my assumptions are irrational
are radical, and don't
for the love of god
don't try to follow my train of thought
as if you were the damned conductor.

This train has no conductor
the tracks disappear as the wheels rotate at miles per-second
and I? I am the one who is tied at the tracks
with no one there to free me

As fingers spiderweb across my face and I do try
Try so very hard
to breathe and rationalize the irrational.
It's an impossible task, I know
just as freeing myself before I'm hit
is impossible.

If you are my friend,
really and truly if you are,
you don't need to tell me.

Please don't remind me.

I know very keenly
that I am irrational
radical
and altogether a mess.

There really is no cleaning me up
there is no end to the disappearing tracks
and the chaotic thoughts never really stop.
It's a constant fear
and paranoia
and pain twisting the gut every day.

So please
please please please

Please stop reminding me.
www.vox.com/2014/12/4/7262991/…
Two panic attacks and a bunch of word barf later...

:iconlazycryplz:
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License
Comments4
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Celvas's avatar
Celvas
Obsessive thoughts. There isn't enough logic in the world to fight them. Damn exhausting. I hope you don't mind that I enjoyed reading this piece because of its artistic value.